Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Auditory

When the CAPD {Central Auditory Processing Disorder} diagnosis came for my daughter, I had read about it extensively, and felt I had somewhat of a handle on what the doctor would say {at least that was what I told myself}.  What I wasn't prepared for was when she said it was "dual hemispheric".  I didn't read about that part.  Turns out it is not very common.  Google it.  Tell me what you come up with.  You will not find anything~at least I didn't.  I should play the lottery more, really...

That means both sides of the brain are equally affected by this inability to process auditory information.  This is significant because what I had learned was that we all have a dominant side of our brain when processing auditory information.  Typically our right side receives the auditory signal more clearly because as the auditory signal enters your right ear, it follows a straight path over to the left side of your brain, where your language processing areas are located.  Have you ever wondered why every time you answer the phone, you probably put the phone to your right ear?  Hmmm...  How about that? Now if you are one of those people who can use either ear, like, it doesn't matter to you~well, you are showing off, so stop it. Okay, I'm joking...but your brain must be really well wired or something. 

I will draw a picture of this to make it a little clearer...if you are one of the people who has educational contact with my daughter, then you are already familiar with my sketches to help you understand my girl.  It's as much for me as it is for you~promise.

{Please forgive the grainy photo, my computer became possessed after I made this up, and as a last resort, my daughter had to save me with taking a picture of the screen with her ipod touch....I'll take it. 
I have been going nuts}


OK, back to the science.  So when the auditory signal enters the left ear, it has quite a road to travel.  Remember, your language processing centers are located on the left side of your brain.  But, guess what?  The signal doesn't just creep up the left side of your head.  No, it has to travel to the right side of your brain {where it realizes that the right side mainly handles artistic tasks, music, patterns...} then make a turn to head back over to the left side where it can find all of those language processing areas {you know, all the logical thought processes: language, math, order...}. 

So imagine all of the opportunities the signal has to get messed up along the way, especially when the road to language areas is longer.  The interesting part about my daughter is that she does not have a dominant side. Both sides showed equal interference when receiving signals during testing.  Remember, her hearing is perfect {yet she complained frequently that she could not hear the teacher in school}.  What she perceived as hearing difficulty was really a processing difficulty.  To ensure that the testing was not flawed in any way, the doctor continued to test, and the results repeated themselves.
Fascinating, really.  But you really don't want your kid to be fascinating at the doctors office, you know?   Sometimes that can lead to more questions...

So what can be done to help kids with CAPD?  Well, there are lots of things, and some of the below links are great resources to help your child.  One of the best accommodations is the use of an FM System {Frequency Modulation}.  In our school district {Appoquinimink}, we are lucky to have  "Sound Field Systems" in place in our classrooms.  You can read about them here, and on Phonic Ear's website.  Not only are they beneficial for children with processing needs, there is significant research that shows the systems use is beneficial for every child in the classroom.  In a nutshell, the teacher wears a microphone that amplifies their voice at a constant level above all the other noise in the classroom {like rustling papers, the hum of the lights, chairs scratching on the floor}, making it easier to decipher what signal they need to attend to~like the teacher.  All of those "extra sounds" in a classroom might seem negligible to us as adults, but to children with any processing issue, ADHD, or if they have been deemed as a "kid" {that is a joke}...they can be deafening.  Kids don't always have the ability to filter out that noise on their own.  The Sound Field System does the filtering for them, so they can focus. 
Hey, that is one of those invisible accommodations I talked about before...if you didn't see that post before, feel free to check it out. 


To read what the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association has to say about CAPD, click here.

An excellent document on CAPD can be found here where the disorder is discussed more in depth.  Read the whole document if you have the time.  It's worth it.

Have a great day!

{Jenn}

PS-Remember, if you have any questions you'd like answered, just ask!

Monday, February 25, 2013

Helpers

After the unspeakable tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School, I think we all struggled to find ways to explain to our children what had occurred.  I know I wanted to let my girls know {at least in general} what went on before they got on the school bus, so they wouldn't hear other versions of events and get scared.  The truth was scary enough.  There was one piece of information that was stuck in my brain~I think it was a quote from Mr.Rogers~and I decided it was the best way to tell the horrific story, and still let them feel empowered to help themselves in an unthinkable situation.

{Look for the helpers} 

I'm going to look up the quote to be correct here, but paraphrasing, Mr.Rogers said his mother always told him if he was lost, or was in a situation that was scary, he should always look for the helpers.  There would always be more people helping than hurting...so look for those people if you are scared or need help. That, to me, was the most beautiful, concrete way to explain to a child that bad things happen.  Bad people exist.  But there will always be more kind and good people in this world~find them.  That is absolutely what I want to be stuck in my daughters heads if the stuff hits the fan.  It tells them on a deep-down level to keep going.  Find that person that is going to get you to safety.  Find that person that will get you back to me.  Never give up.

Okay, I found it....Here is a link to the Fred Rogers Company, with the direct quote, and a very short clip of him explaining what is helpful for children during times of disaster or stress.  I remember watching him as a kid, and even the castle is in the background :)

I bring this up today, because on a recent shopping trip with my sister, I saw a little girl who was crying hysterically.  She was telling an older couple that she lost her Mommy.  I asked if they needed help, but the woman was already going to get someone from the store to page the Mom {who was surely as frantic as the little 5 year old was}.  I stayed with the older man, watching for someone.  We tried to calm her.  The older man spoke so kindly to this little girl, I had to turn my head because I started to cry.  I was separated once from one of my daughters for about 20 minutes in a very public place.  It was the longest and worst 20 minutes of my life.  Seeing this little one so worried took me right back to that moment.  What he said to her was so sweet...that she was safe, it was her Mommy who was lost, and we were going to find her
Mom came quickly when they paged her, and she was crying just as bad as the little one was.  I ducked into the aisle with the scarves and wiped tears away too.  Thankfully, a happy ending.

The point is, she found the helper.  Years ago, my daughter found the helper.  That's what we need to say to our kids to keep them safe during moments of stress or crisis. 

Those sweet children in the elementary school that day were surrounded with courageous helpers, their teachers.  Even though their outcome may have been tragic, the helpers did everything to save them.  Even then, more good guys {the police, fire, and ambulance personnel}came to make sure they got home safely.  That's what I stressed to my kids.  Terrible things do happen in the world, but the good guys always show up. 

I just thought I'd share that tidbit from Mr.Roger's mom.  A concrete solution to some difficult situations...it has helped me, and I hope it helps you with your own kids too.

Have a great day!

{Jenn}



Thursday, February 21, 2013

Accommodations

When my oldest daughter was in kindergarten, she had a hard time remembering her school lunch code.  When you are in line, and you are 5 years old, it is daunting knowing that you will have to remember that number and punch it in all by yourself!  Yes, the lunch ladies are always helping with that, but my first thought was to make her an accommodation.  As a former teacher, I like accommodations that are invisible.  What I mean is that it helps the student without others noticing, so it's "no big deal".  So I embroidered her a fabric bracelet with her lunch number on it.  She wore it to school on days when she was buying lunch.  She thought it was cool, and all she had to do when punching in that number was look at her wrist.  Problem solved.  No embarrassment, or toe-tapping by kids who were starving in line.

When your child is having difficulty in school, the first thing you hope is happening is that the teacher is making accommodations for your child.  By "making accommodations" I mean that the teacher is finding ways to help your child complete a task to keep them on track with the pace of the lesson, and make it meaningful at the same time.

Believe me, teachers are constantly making accommodations {informally} all day, every day, as they teach.  It's being done "on the fly", and in more formal, thought out ways as well.  Think of it this way~when the eye doctor says you can't see that well, they give you the prescription to go get glasses, right?  So you put on the glasses, you see better, and just get on with life, right?  That's what accommodations can do for your child in school.  What makes them meaningful is when they are thoughtfully decided upon for your child's specific needs. 

Not every kid is going to need the same accommodation in order to be a successful learner.
If your child has an IEP, you are going to make sure that your child has specific accommodations noted in their IEP, as part of the document.  Yes, it should be in writing.  If it is just something you decide on verbally with the teacher, and that teacher leaves the class, or the child goes on to the next grade to a new teacher, you are running the risk of having the next teacher just guess at what is most helpful for your child.  Don't start over when you know what is working.  No one wants to re-invent the wheel, for God's sake, and the more time without the help you child needs in class, the more time they are frustrated, and possibly embarrassed.  They work hard enough to keep up. 

You probably already know lots of things that help your child at home...
  • Does your child need larger print when reading text?
  • Do you repeat directions frequently when you need your child to do something around the house {well, more than you normally would....}?
  • Do you use picture clue reminders at home for routine tasks?
These are all accommodations, and can be transferred to the school environment.

In Delaware, we have the state test {DCAS}, starting in 3rd grade.  It's important to understand, as a parent, if your child does not currently have specific accommodations in the classroom setting, your child may not be successful with the accommodations you might come up with to be used during the state test {check out page 8 of this document from the State of DE website}.  They should be very used to the help they receive in school~if you throw something brand new at them during the state test, it could throw them for a loop.  You don't want that for your kid, believe me.

So, to be clear...
  • Yes, the accommodations for the state test should match up with the accommodations listed in your child's IEP {which are usually listed on each goal page}. 
  • And, yes, they are checked off on separate pages in a different area in the IEP {the "Student With Disability Form" is 4 pages long} so there will be multiple places in the document where accommodations will be noted.

They could be as simple as, "extended time for taking the test", or " intermittent prompting to remain on task".  Whatever it is, make sure your child is comfortable with the help, and it is meaningful.

That's all we really want, right?  We just want them to get the help they need to be successful in school and in life.  That's all the teachers want too.  And if you need help navigating through this, then ask!  I'm sure the teacher will accommodate you.

Have a great day.

{Jenn}

PS~I realize you are all not living in Delaware...the best thing to do is to go to your state Department of Education website, and look for links pertinent to your needs, if that doesn't help, ask me and I will see what I can dig up for you :)

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Insight

I'm an "energy" kind of person. 

Like many people, if I walk into a place where people are positive, and have good energy, I feel it.  If I walk into a room with people who have crummy energy, I feel that too, on a physical level.  It's almost like bumping into a bubble that pushes you right back, and keeps you at a distance. 

I've always been this way, and it's probably why I'm not a fan of big crowds.  So many people, so much conflicting energy, and my insides get what feels like tangled-up.  I think I'm just so open to others energy, that in the past, I have allowed it all in.  I'm learning how to keep that from happening so easily through meditation.

But people don't really don't talk about this kind of stuff.  We may know those gut-level feelings, but you rarely hear people talking about "energy", or at least I didn't growing up.  As a right-brained person, who sits mostly in the creative side of my brain, I have enough of a left-brain twitch that makes me want concrete proof for what I have always experienced.  You know, so you don't make yourself an appointment with the doctor for all the "fru-fru" talk.

Thanks to Oprah, I have been introduced to Caroline Myss, Dr.Deepak Chopra, Dr.Wayne Dyer, Dr. Christiane Northrup.....I could go on and on.  All of these people are well respected, and all of them think in a way that I understand.  They all have found a way to match their spirit up with the hard facts that science can offer.  That makes me happy.

The most beautiful book I read {that verifies the whole energy experience for me} after seeing the author interviewed by Oprah, was "My Stroke Of Insight" by Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor.  She is  Harvard-trained neuroanatomist who experienced a stroke, and because of her training and extensive knowledge of the brain, she was extremely aware of the processes she was experiencing during the hemorrhage that took her by surprise.  The beauty of her story is that while she was in a coma-like state in the hospital, where she was unable to verbally communicate, she experienced everything and everyone as energy.  I do not have the book in front of me, but I am recalling the pages where she describes the doctors and nurses who entered the room to care for her.  Because of the area of her stroke, Dr. Taylor no longer had the ability to perceive boundaries, as in where she physically began, and ended.  Her body, and the bodies of those around her no longer were "contained" in physical forms.  She described in detail the amount of her own energy it took to even keep her eyes open.  If the hospital worker came in calmly, in a caring manner, the energy was beautiful, and welcoming.  She wanted to try to follow the persons instructions, and fight her physical body which wanted to remain 'asleep'.  But when a person came into the room who had too much on their mind, was in a bad mood, or was just aggravated in general, she felt that too~and it was uncomfortable, repelled her and made her physically cringe.
Hearing from a neuroanatomist that she perceived those energies so distinctly made me realize that I haven't been completely been nuts all of my life.  When science backs up the fru-fru talk, I listen.

So when my sister Jessica became a nurse {which we were all so proud of her for achieving} recently, I told her about this book, and shared Dr.Taylor's experience with her.  {Let me just say I bow to nurses, because if an injury requires more than a band-aid, I can't handle it}   Many of her patients in the ICU aren't there because they are doing great, and are responding.  I could imagine that most of them are in a state like what Dr.Taylor describes experiencing in her book.  A physical body in a bed, reliant on others and machines for every function.  They are still there.  There is a soul locked in there.  Maybe they are perceiving everything around them, or maybe they are not.  I think this applies to anyone who we think is not able to understand us because they can't communicate.  After reading that book, I have only one suggestion...

Pretend that they are

Whether you are a medical professional, or just a regular person in your everyday life, do what Dr.Taylor says, and "be responsible for the energy you bring into a space".  I'm sure if the person in that hospital bed could thank you, they would...

Have a great day!

{Jenn}

Monday, February 18, 2013

Water

My friend Nancy gave me the book, "This Is Water" a few years ago.  It's in the form of a book, but it is actually a commencement speech, written by an author who is no longer with us {David Foster Wallace}.   I have read it many, many times, as it only contains about a sentence or two on each page.  The subject matter?  Compassion.  I'm starting to see that when I write, it's one of my favorite topics.

My husband, who has always said he is "not a reader" has also read this book countless times.  I promise every time you read it, you will notice something else, or remember a situation that fits into the authors examples.  Read it, then sit with it in your mind.  Then read it again.

No, I get no 'kick-back' for you reading it...but if you know me, then you already know I am a bit of a 'book-pusher' :)  If I read something that moves me, I want you to be moved too.  I can't help it.  Know now that there will be more posts about amazing books on this blog.  {You have been warned}



The other day, as I attempted to hustle through Walmart to grab groceries while my youngest daughter was at a retreat for the afternoon, I was reminded of this book.  I'm actually reminded of this book a lot.  I want you to read it.  I want you to remember it too.

It was Saturday, it was the afternoon, and it was the day before all the news channels predicted we were getting snow.  Does that give you a picture of what the grocery area of Walmart looked like?  People galore, carts all over, and people riding those carts that beep when they back up {sometimes I wonder if the beeping is just a courtesy to let you know you are about to be involved in an accident...}.  It was really not the way I like to go shopping, but it needed to get done, so there I was. 

As I looked around, people looked kind of aggravated~not everyone, but a decent amount.  It reminded me that I had a decision to make.  This was either going to be the worst grocery shopping day of my life, or I was going to focus on something else.  I decided that I would just smile at people who caught my eye, and see how they reacted.  I wasn't going to get done any faster if I was ticked off, so I just smiled, and went along my way, expecting for it to take awhile.

What I noticed was people smiled back, even if their expression was of total disgust when I first caught their eye.  Remember, we were all like sardines, carts banging into each other....but making the decision to smile turned out to be helpful.  People seemed to get nicer.  They let me get by.  And something else I noticed?  Birds.  Above all the kids crying, people muttering under their breath, and general chaos, I could hear birds chirping {birds are a whole other topic for me....God knows that is another post~a former phobia of mine~but in this instance they were all good}.  So I focused my attention on hearing the birds chirping, flying around Walmart, and smiling {I don't meditate for nothing you know...it helps}.

When I got to the deli counter, I went to grab a number from the ticket~thing, but a woman pulled up in a cart, and beat me to it.  If I would've been sucked into the bad energy of everyone being ticked, I may have gotten aggravated, but I wasn't.  I smiled.  And the sweet woman, who reached up to take a ticket from her ride-on cart noticed me, and handed me her ticket.  I tried to say no, that I would take the next one, and she said, "Hey, don't worry about it, at least while I'm waiting I get to sit down, you have to stand!".  We both laughed, and I didn't fight her on it anymore.

It seems that she had a decision to make too.  I didn't know the woman, but clearly she had a medical reason to be on that cart, and she decided not to be angry about it.  I would dare to say she has to make a conscious decision each day, since she is dealing with something physically uncomfortable.  She chose to laugh instead of run me over.  I appreciated it.  And it made me smile more. 

Because this is waterIt's all water.  {You will get it too...just read the book}

Get the book from the library, or wherever.  Read it.  {It has a few swear words in it, but just get over it and read the beautiful speech that reminds me everyday to make a positive choice}.  It will literally take you 15-20 minutes.  And don't let me fool you~I don't walk around sprinkling holy water on people.   I get annoyed sometimes too.  But the book will remind you to take an everyday situation like grocery shopping or traffic, and make it an opportunity to practice empathy and compassion~it's a choice.

Have a great day, and do what my Nana always said to do {no, not to drink another highball~well, okay, but only if it's after 5pm}...smile, she always said to smile.

{Jenn}

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Meeting

Here is a follow up to my previous post about being prepared for meetings in regard to your child.  I hope it gives a framework that you could easily implement for your own little one, or at least makes you think a little harder before walking into that meeting.  I know I've been a little heavy on the education related posts this week...but it's just what is spilling out of my brain right now :)

{Let me give a shout out to all the D.A.D.S reading this...I have a friend with some super great kids, one of whom has Down Syndrome.  He liked a recent post, and that makes me happy.  I hope these posts are helpful!  Another friend, who also has amazing kids is my friend Amy, you can find her blog here.  She offers the Mommy perspective on having a child with Down Syndrome.}

{See, I told you I can go on a bit, now back to business......}

When you decide that you are ready to meet with the doctors, or therapists who will be steering you in which direction you need to go for help for your child.  It's important that even though you may feel unclear about exactly what is going on, you need to have specific talking points to discuss with the doctors. If you choose to walk in completely unprepared, you may as well throw that co-pay money out the window and save yourself the drive to the hospital, or doctors office.  You are not helping your cause.

I am going to give you an overview of what my over-achieving self walked in with that day, for that first steering meeting for my daughter.  I am not saying you need to walk in with a novel, but do yourself a favor and take something.  You will impress yourself with your level of preparedness, and it offers a sense of control over what may feel like an area where your hands are tied.
Even though I was walking in to discuss everything I felt wasn't "quite right", my first talking point was of how amazing my daughter is.  I discussed her strengths specifically.  Remember in an earlier post I said to be clear about what those strengths are~don't tell them she 'likes to play'.  Um, this is not helpful...this describes almost every kid on earth.  Be specific in your child's strengths.  Just take your time.  Think.  Write them down.

I broke my areas of concern down into several areas, then expanded on each area with specific examples of what I was referring to.  It's amazing how things become clear when you write them down.  Things I thought I could not really articulate seemed to come to the surface in a very tangible way.  Give yourself some credit before you even start.  You can do it with or without an 'education' background.  Promise.

And the "areas" I focused on are....{well, a whole section on strengths first, and then....}
  1. Physical Issues
  2. Auditory Issues
  3. Speech and Language Issues
  4. Academic/School Concerns
Now remember, these are the areas I had of concern for my daughter.  Your list may be longer, different, or shorter.  That's OK.  Just make the list, the doctors will be so impressed....
  1.   Physical Issues-
    1. Was there anything of note when your child was born?  Did anything go wrong?  Was there something odd that the doctors could not explain?  There was for us.  Sometimes things that seem odd at birth can affect a child later in life.  Sometimes those things do not surface until the child is school age.  Sit in a quiet place, and try to remember.  Maybe I will expand on this down the road...
    2. Does your child have any aversion to textures?  Smells?  Clothing?
    3. Is there behavior out of the ordinary during daily, 'ordinary' situations?  Is there a pattern?
    4. Is your child a rough, physical type of play kid?  Or does your child remove themselves from other children?  Remember, parallel play {where children play independently with the same toys/game side-by-side another child} is developmentally appropriate in young children, but not so much as they get out of pre-school.  Then it can become detrimental to their social development.  If you need to, 'Google' "developmentally appropriate play for my _____year old child".  You will easily find checklists that may guide you in the right direction, or point out red flags.
    5. Does your child have a sense of danger that you feel is appropriate?  Are they reckless?  Have they ever had a head injury?  These two areas {appropriate fear and brain injury} can be very closely tied together, and the doctors will want to know this.
  2. Auditory Issues
    1. Can your child follow a 2-step direction?  More steps?  Less steps?
    2. Do they respond to you when you are in crowded spaces where noise is a factor {like if you are in BJ's, or Costco...the acoustics in there are rough}?
    3. Does the child complain that they cannot hear the teacher, yet their hearing screenings have come back perfect?
  3. Speech and Language Issues
    1. Can your child explain what they are trying to say, or do they get frustrated and shut down?
    2. Does your child understand that words have specific meanings?  Like when you point to a door, it is always called a "door", not the "window", or the "wall".  Mislabeling things is a speech and language concern.
  4. Academic Concerns
    1. What are the child's teachers saying?  Where are their areas of concern?  They spend many hours with your child each week~listen to what they observe.
    2. Is your child socially aware, or awkward in classroom situations?  You may be surprised how different your child acts in school.  Home is a comfortable place....school can be daunting.  Their behavior can say alot about what is going on with them socially/emotionally within the classroom.
    3. Does your child participate willingly in classroom discussions?
I could go on forever, but I hope I am making clear the things I had to consider when helping my daughter.  Like I said, your list may look different than mine, but that's the point.  It's for your child, with different needs.  I just want to help jog your memory.  When you are in the thick of wanting to help your child, you are probably overwhelmed.  This will help make it manageable.  Think small pieces.  You can do a little bit each night.  Ask your wife, husband, partner, relatives...what they notice.  They may see some things you were so "used to" that they didn't stand out. 

Make it something like the above structure.  It will give you talking points, and the doctors a framework to start with.  They are learning about your child, and this information will be invaluable.

Just don't walk in with a rambling manifesto like the unibomber, that would be weird {I have taught you better than that}....you got this! Any questions, ask me.

Have a great day!

{Jenn}

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Prepare

In my first week of having this blog...I realize I am being a bit ambitious here...I am going to try to keep up with the thoughts flying through my mind, as I think of what to write next.  And here's hoping I don't run out of something to say that makes sense {be warned...I can talk forever, so if that is any indication, I will never shut up here either}.

This is a follow up to some "meeting preparedness" tips I tell my friends about before they go to their IEP meetings.  This is my experience, anyway...

Whether it's a steering meeting, or your child's IEP {Individualized Education Plan}, you want to be prepared.  As a teacher, I held IEP meetings regularly with families, and thought nothing of it.  It was a typical part of my day.  I assessed the child, prepared goals for the school year, presented to the family in the meeting as thoughtfully as I could, and went on with the everyday task of educating the child. That was it.
Then my daughter qualified for services.  I had been home {I stayed home after having our first daughter} and realized that I would be attending the meeting as a parent...not as the teacher.  It was surprising how that made me feel.  It's different being on the other side of the fence.  I was nervous.  I realized that maybe people may not agree with what I felt was best for my girl, and the emotion of it took me off-guard.  I knew all the members of the IEP team, for goodness sake!  I had worked with all of them, and they are kind, sweet people!  Why was I so 'turned around'?

It's just different when you are the one invited to discuss your child.  

I suddenly realized that every parent who walked into my IEP meetings over the years was probably very nervous, especially since they weren't in the field.  I never really thought about that.  Here I was, a person fresh out of the profession, and I was nervous. I knew the law.  I knew the line by line document very well.  Still, when it's your child, it's different.  Emotions cloud your logical mind.
The meeting went just fine, and they always do.  As long as you go into the meeting knowing you are a participant, not just an observer, you can make your child's IEP a living, breathing document that molds their education, and gives them the accommodations they will need to be successful in the classroom.  But you have to be prepared to give thoughtful, meaningful input into the document, or else you will be an observer.  And if you let everyone else do the work, and you aren't happy with the finished product....well....you can't really complain.  Well, OK, you can complain, but in your heart of hearts you will know that you could've done more to speak up, and thoughtfully voice your opinion.  So save yourself the aggravation  and go into your meeting prepared.
Here is the cheat sheet for when you have to attend an IEP...it's what I always have with me:

  1. Have all of your child's current documentation.  If your child has recent evaluations from doctors, have it with you.  I keep a binder of all of my daughters assessments done outside of school, as well as as section of school IEP information.  It travels with me.  Put the documents in page protectors.  If school needs copies of it, they can make them on the spot.
  2. The teacher will ask you about strengths and weaknesses of your child.  Think about this.  Don't just say they are a 'happy kid'.  This needs to be meaningful.  Tell them your child excels at artistic tasks, loves to paint, ect..  {To a teacher that tells me instantly that your child is probably a visual learner, and will need visual prompts in the classroom for their success~that is very important}  
  3. As far as struggles, really think.  Do they have a hard time listening to you when you ask them to do more than one thing?  That's important to know. {In teacher speak, that will sound like "has difficulty following directions containing more than one step".....the goal might sound like this..." insert name will be able to follow a 3-step direction with minimal (give number) teacher prompts by (end of school year date) at  90% accuracy}....see how your input is molding the goals on the IEP?  If you said, "doesn't listen to me", that does not help write a goal.  
  4. As far as educational needs, yes, the teacher will have suggestions for the educational goals, but what areas has your child struggled with in past classroom/Pre-k/daycare environments?  If you have concerns in reading, or decoding and there isn't a goal presented, speak up.  Ask if you can add one.  The teacher knows how to word the goal.  It's OK, you are part of this process, remember?
  5. Know the types of classrooms setting your child could be involved with.  Are they currently in a 'typical class'?  Is there an inclusion classroom?  Do you think your child would benefit from a pull-out situation, or a separate classroom setting?  If they are not in an inclusion class, is there a para-educator that can help them?  Remember, focus on your child here.  Don't let any of the stigmas of society hang on you here~this is not about you, put your ego away~it's about helping your child.  Let you child get the help they need and feel successful, when you see them thriving, you get the benefit too.
  6. Know whether or not your child will be receiving any special services, like OT {occupational therapy}, PT {physical therapy}, or Speech and Language therapy.  The IEP is the document that houses all of this information.  Make sure it is listed, goals for the services make sense, and the way the therapy will be delivered is noted.  Is it pull-out {in different classroom}, push-in {in the regular classroom setting}, or a combination of those two models?  The frequency of services will also be listed here.  Is is daily?  Three days a week?  Make sure it is accurate.  This is a legal document.
Above all, know that you are a part of the IEP team.  Your input is valuable, as you know your child best.  As someone who has been on the teacher side, I can say that meetings are much more productive when parents come to the meeting with an open mind, and calmly discuss their feelings. Going off on a teacher never really goes over well.  And it's counter-productive to getting an effective plan in place for your child.  I realize that not all situations are like mine.  Our school district is wonderful~I'm lucky, I get that.  But I can tell you that no teacher goes into education for the money, they go into it because they want to help children.  The whole "summer off" deal has melted away for teachers~at best, they get July off, and even then they are cutting out name tags for your kids.  Seriously, they do way more work than people know.  In any other job, if you work overtime, you put in to get paid.  In teaching you do it because you love your students.

I can tell you that from personal experience~when your kids were in my classroom, they were "my kids".  I hope this helped prepare you for that upcoming meeting! Any questions, let me know.

{Obviously this is my perspective, if you'd like to see a more "formal" bit on the IEP process and the law, click here, or just Google your question. God knows I have done that many times....}

Have a great day!

{Jenn}


Friday, February 15, 2013

Ask

I remember the day I was at AI duPont Hospital for Children for one of my girls {I should have a parking spot reserved for me there for God's sake} who had just been tested for CAPD {Central Auditory Processing Disorder} like it was yesterday.  It is a crystal clear memory. It was the day the Audiologist confirmed what I had known since my girl was about 2 years old.  Yes, she has a definitive diagnosis.  Yes, it is dual-hemispheric.  And no, all of these years when I thought I was losing my mind because "something was off, but I couldn't put my finger on it"...I wasn't crazy.  I was spot-on. I felt relief mixed with heartbreak for my girl.  She was having trouble all that time. It wasn't just toddler tantrums. 
{Here is a study someone did that was helpful to me, it's not long, and it is a bulleted presentation}
Soon after that the diagnosis of a "mixed receptive and expressive language disorder" came as well.  The pieces of the puzzle had finally come together.  Now I knew how to help her.  Game on.

She was 7 when this all came, because you have to be chronologically 7 to be tested for CAPD.  It feels like an eternity when you want to help your child, but aren't sure how without the 'label'.  Sometimes people complain about not wanting their kid labeled.  I get that on some level...but I am writing this to tell you something important.  Without the label, the targeted help will  not come.  You cannot fix the plumbing if you're not sure of the part that is broken.  Take away the stigma you may feel as a parent, or caregiver~it is the ticket to helping your child.  Especially if your child has an "invisible disability".  To others your child may seem lazy, or as a behavior problem...the kid who always acts up or has severe tantrums at the birthday party, or when it's time to go home a little early from the family event.  You know better.  And that's why from now on, think of yourself as your child's biggest advocate in school.

I have met other parents who feel 'something isn't right' as well, but don't know where to turn.  After all, the child "looks fine" and many behavioral things can be shrugged off as being tired, cranky that day, or maybe just 'being a kid'...kids act up sometimes.  So, you as the Mom or Dad start to feel the conflict that I did.  Is it me?  Am I reading too much into this?  Is it the 'special education teacher' in me that is looking for things?  

If your gut feels otherwise, believe it.  Start to write down situations where your child has difficulty.  Is it always later in the day?  Is it only when you have unexpected changes in routine?  When you go into the Behavioral Health dept at AI duPont  {or wherever you are going} like I did, you are going to want to share these things with the doctors.  And I am here to tell you it is emotional, so having a list of specific issues will help tremendously.  You already know my background, so when I walked in, I had a full on report written, and I had copies for the doctors.  I decided this would be just like if I was planning on an IEP meeting for one of my students when I was working.  My girl was my case study.  Take the 'Mommy' out of it, and get down to business.  Step out of the emotion.  How can I get the most help for my child now?  This is critical, because if you keep telling yourself, 'Oh, they will grow out of it', and your child gets to 4th or 5th grade, barely getting by, self esteem shredded.....you will have some more mommy-guilt than you need, and God knows we put enough on ourselves as it is! {I should say it is NEVER too late to get help for your child, this is just an example}

The question I get asked most about CAPD, and getting my daughter diagnosed is this...'How did you know where to go for help?  Who did you call?  What did you say?'.
You might expect something intelligent from a person who spent professional time in the field...and you would be wrong.  Here was my conversation with the woman who answered the phone at AI duPont....it's as close to verbatim as I can remember....{warning, I sound like a moron}.

Nice Lady: Good Morning, Office of Neurology, how can I help you? 
Me: Hi, um, I'm not sure.  Like, I'm not sure what I am asking for.  Um, OK, I know I need you, but I don't know what I need you for...  My daughter needs help, I think I want her screened by neurology, but I don't know what kind of screening you have.  So, I know I need you, but I don't really know how I need you...does that make sense?  I'm rambling, I know, I'm really sorry! 
Nice Lady: {laughing} No problem, I can help you.  Tell me what's going on with her. 
Me: {you can guess I rambled more...something like she mislabels things at home, language can be jumbled, she struggles in school, doesn't appear to understand what is being asked of her sometimes...} 
Nice Lady: Well, would you like a medical neuro, or behavioral neuro screen?  
Me: Oh my God, there are two kinds?! 
Nice Lady: {still laughing in a nice way} Yes, there are two kinds....from what you are telling me, it sounds like you may want Behavioral Health.  I can transfer you there, and you can talk to them.  Tell them you'd like to have a steering meeting to decide which direction you need to go.  Good Luck! 
Me: Thanks for being so sweet, I know I made no sense... 
Nice Lady:  You're fine! {laughing}  Call back if you need me.
That was it.  That's how I got on track to help my daughter in a very targeted, specific way.  The help and assessments she went through were thorough and definitive.  As an educational nerd, I cried when I read the report.  It was specific, gave sound, usable suggestions for school, and was a useful, beautiful picture of what I had been trying to articulate for years.  I wrote the doctor a thank you note for taking the time to be as thoughtful as she was in the report.

Let yourself be OK with asking for help.  It's OK if you sound like a total idiot.  You're not supposed to know that there are two 'flavors' of neurology at the hospital!  That's what they are there for.  Ask the questions.  Don't let your child suffer in school without help, and just assume the teacher will figure it out on their own.  Remember, invisible disabilities can look like other things.  Do you know how many kids the teachers have to teach?  How many meetings they have to attend?  The data they have to keep up with {that last one is a special shout out to my teacher friends...lol} on a daily basis?  It's unreal.  You have no idea.  They want to help each and every kid~but let's be honest~you are just as important in guiding your child's education.  

If everyday your child had to swim in a pool for 8 hours...and you knew they couldn't swim that well...would you send them to the pool each day, and just hope that someone threw them a raft when they couldn't tread water anymore?  I hope not.  I'd rather send them with their own life preserver.   

Go out on the limb for your kid.  Kindly tell the teacher, or the doctor, or the "Nice Lady" on the phone that you have no clue.  They will help you, and guide you, I promise.  
{OK, fine, I know there are crabby people in the world, so if you get a crabby one, call back and ask for the "Nice Lady"} 
Just ask.

Have a great day

{Jenn}

*If you'd like to know how I organized my thoughts for that initial meeting, I can give that info in a follow up post...just ask :)  It was very helpful, and the docs joked that I already wrote their report for them....it's worth being prepared.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Remembering

Happy Valentine's Day!  Last night I stood in the kitchen, feverishly cutting out paper hearts.  Before the kids went up to bed, my youngest daughter said, "Hey Mom, I can't wait to wake up and follow that trail of hearts you make for us every year!  You know, the path that leads us to our special treats?  Yeah, that".

"Sure, of course I will do that for you again!".  Oh crap.  I forgot to cut out the hearts.  I bought the little gifts, got the cards and the chocolate...but the path!  How could I forget about the path?

You can guess I didn't have the hearts cut out before bedtime...so I went through every scrap of scrapbook and construction paper, even finding some pink paint sample cards in the mix, and started cutting...  I got the path set up, staged their little gifts on the table (which included new toothbrushes for the amount of sugar that would be rotting their teeth) and went to bed.



When I woke up, I found a path of my own to follow...of roses.  Looks like my husband was busy last night too~he left in the middle of the night for work to have a special date with a 'certain group', to give some lucky criminal a Valentine's wake up call {side note: if you don't want 'special' wake up call, don't do really bad things, or hurt people...it's easy~be nice to people, that's it}.  My path led me to treats of my own~chocolate and wine.  As a mom, I really don't want anything else.



So it turns out that the little things, the hearts on the floor, and the surprise path of roses meant something to me too.  It's just knowing that you were remembered.  And that someone took the time to show you that they remembered.  It's no wonder that it stuck in my little ones brain, those hearts on the floor from years past.  Even something little can mean alot, even to a grown-up like me :)

Have a great day!

{Jenn}

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Noise

Last night I came into our office {wait that sounds too fancy...it's a room where all our office-related stuff is...} to get some work done, and maybe do some writing here.  But that clearly was not in the cards for me.  My oldest came into the room and sat just behind the computer monitor, turned on her ipod and started playing some live John Mayer music {which is a favorite in our house}.  I tried to focus on what I was doing, but between the music playing, and her singing along, there was no way I could get any solid work done.
And then I remembered a lesson I learned from my dog. 

Yes, I know, I sound like a crazy person now {and that may be true} but, yes, a lesson from my dog.
We had him for almost 14 years, and he passed away almost 2 weeks ago now.  That day was more emotional than I could have ever imagined, and on that afternoon, when my husband and I came back from the vet without him, I was slapped in the face with something~silence. 
And I didn't like it.
Even after the kids got back to their new normal without our dog, that's all they kept talking about...it's too quiet in the house now.  It's not the same.  His absence is felt in so many ways.
It's kind of like when one of my three girls goes off on a sleep-over.  To be honest, I don't like it~the house feels different.  It's too quiet.  I feel off-kilter, and catch myself wondering when they are coming back. 
Funny how I often think I just want a break, then when I get it {like all the kids sleeping over my parents house or something} I just want them back...why?  Because the house is too quiet. 

Apparently I love the noise.

So, I scrapped my plans to 'get something done', and I hung out with my 10 year old.  She asked to read the first blog entry {her take on it was that it was 'very intense'...lol... I explained I wrote it for grown ups, you know....} and asked if I had gone 'viral' yet.  Cracked me up.  I tried to explain that I only wrote 1 post so far, and that if Ellen or Oprah reads your blog, then I think maybe you can 'go viral'.
Then she promptly asked when she could write a guest column.  She wrote a list of column ideas when I mentioned I may start a blog, and actually keep up with it.  I had no idea she was serious. 

She has the list.

You already know that she is 10, but in reality, she is about 35...maybe 40.  She was the baby I always said was 'born older'.
And it is not lost on me how quickly she, and her little sisters are growing up.
So, thank you, Augen {the dog} for reminding me how fleeting life's moments are...and reminding me to enjoy the noise while I am still surrounded by it. 

Have a great day,

{Jenn}

Monday, February 11, 2013

Imagine

I set up this blog a month ago, and it just sat here, empty.  I wasn't quite sure how to start.  It wasn't that I didn't like writing, I've been writing for years...if you get the reference, it's like I have been 'Waiting for Godot'....and if you haven't seen that play~Godot never shows up.  The two main characters waste their time waiting for someone who never arrives.  So I figured I should just stop waiting and start writing.

You already know I am a former full time special education teacher, but these days I am working part-time as a reading intervention aide at a kindergarten center {here in DE} which allows me plenty of time in my children's classrooms, and I work very closely with a family whose child has Autism.

I've spent the last 11 years writing in journals (since I found out I was pregnant with our first daughter) as a way of documenting our life.  You can guess I have filled quite a few journals over that time.  Writing on the computer is something different for me.  I have a thing with handwriting.  I connect to it for some reason.  I think it says alot about a person, and when I see my Nana's handwritten notes, it's like she's back in the room with me again.  It's personal...and it's how I get alot off my chest~some lines smeared from my tears~and maybe one day, a long time from now, the girls will realize I really took the job of raising them right quite seriously...

Eventually I will put it all into book form, so my daughters will have tangible evidence in their hands on why I have gone nuts :)  When they re-read all of their crazy antics, and how much I have scrubbed off of our walls, they will understand.
In the meantime, I will keep writing before I go to sleep, and now I'll attempt to put some of those thoughts here....
And all of my journal entries to the girls end the same way...
{Love you all
Love, Mommy}

I am struggling today, as I think of what to write to the girls tonight.  I try not to be preachy to them, but today the news stopped me in my tracks at work, and I had to get my wits about me. My husband is in law enforcement...and when you hear of a shooting, where officers have been shot, your heart stops.  It doesn't matter if it happened in another part of the city, where you think your husband doesn't work.  It could even be out of state.  A cop gets hurt, and it's your husband.  Ask any cop's wife. 
That's a fact.
So a shooting occurred at the courthouse in the city this morning.  In the lobby where I, and many other people have stood, waiting to go through metal detectors for jury duty.  And I automatically know that my husband is at work.  And I know his specialties at work.  And I know if he's not there already, he will be within minutes.  And no, I don't like that idea.  Not at all. 
I know the gun debates have gone on as of late, and I know that shootings at schools, movie theatres, malls, everywhere for God's sake, make it impossible for us to leave our homes without being nervous.  But what I was thinking about today was this~and I don't mean to simplify a horrific tragedy today, or act like there is an easy solution~but every criminal, every person who suffers from mental illness that goes untreated, every person who puts their hands on a gun with malicious intent...they were all little kids at some point. 

Think about that. 
Think about when you were in kindergarten. 
We all probably can think of the kid who we know needed help...

What if we started teaching kids how to handle life situations from when they were small?  What if they had a class that was as regular to them as math, reading and recess?  I know there isn't a state standard for that...but shouldn't there be?  Of course right and wrong is taught through situations in the classroom, but maybe we need to make it a little more concrete.
Maybe it's because I spend my mornings everyday with tiny people, and I see the kids who appear well adjusted...and the ones who are not.  If children don't have coping skills, and don't learn them at home, shouldn't we be able to offer that during our 8 hour day, and give kids solid life skills training at school?  Even if it's 20 minutes a day, my goodness, can't we offer some type of curriculum?  I'll be the first one to sign on to write it. 
What no one wants to believe is that guns aren't the only debate~motivated people are capable of doing bad things...put up the wall and they will find a ladder.  But if human kindness was made part of their daily lives, would they be so inclined?  Why not also have a focus of teaching kindness in school?  Make it a subject for God's sake.  Kids who grow up learning kindness and compassion toward others turn into grown ups who practice kindness and compassion.  We can't risk leaving it up to chance anymore, that's a fact too.  I know that Jill Biden, an accomplished educator, would have to agree, and I hope she could have her husbands ear on this~maybe an issue as vast as gun control could start from the bottom up.  Imagine how different their adult lives could look if we started a nation~wide initiative with little ones now.
It couldn't hurt, that's for sure.
I hope the children who lost their mother in a senseless act today find some kind of comfort in their mothers family.  I don't know how that's possible, but my God, I will have those innocent kids in my heart.   
I'm off my soap box now...have a great day.

{Jenn}