Meeting

Here is a follow up to my previous post about being prepared for meetings in regard to your child.  I hope it gives a framework that you could easily implement for your own little one, or at least makes you think a little harder before walking into that meeting.  I know I've been a little heavy on the education related posts this week...but it's just what is spilling out of my brain right now :)

{Let me give a shout out to all the D.A.D.S reading this...I have a friend with some super great kids, one of whom has Down Syndrome.  He liked a recent post, and that makes me happy.  I hope these posts are helpful!  Another friend, who also has amazing kids is my friend Amy, you can find her blog here.  She offers the Mommy perspective on having a child with Down Syndrome.}

{See, I told you I can go on a bit, now back to business......}

When you decide that you are ready to meet with the doctors, or therapists who will be steering you in which direction you need to go for help for your child.  It's important that even though you may feel unclear about exactly what is going on, you need to have specific talking points to discuss with the doctors. If you choose to walk in completely unprepared, you may as well throw that co-pay money out the window and save yourself the drive to the hospital, or doctors office.  You are not helping your cause.

I am going to give you an overview of what my over-achieving self walked in with that day, for that first steering meeting for my daughter.  I am not saying you need to walk in with a novel, but do yourself a favor and take something.  You will impress yourself with your level of preparedness, and it offers a sense of control over what may feel like an area where your hands are tied.
Even though I was walking in to discuss everything I felt wasn't "quite right", my first talking point was of how amazing my daughter is.  I discussed her strengths specifically.  Remember in an earlier post I said to be clear about what those strengths are~don't tell them she 'likes to play'.  Um, this is not helpful...this describes almost every kid on earth.  Be specific in your child's strengths.  Just take your time.  Think.  Write them down.

I broke my areas of concern down into several areas, then expanded on each area with specific examples of what I was referring to.  It's amazing how things become clear when you write them down.  Things I thought I could not really articulate seemed to come to the surface in a very tangible way.  Give yourself some credit before you even start.  You can do it with or without an 'education' background.  Promise.

And the "areas" I focused on are....{well, a whole section on strengths first, and then....}

1. Physical Issues
2. Auditory Issues
3. Speech and Language Issues
4. Academic/School Concerns

Now remember, these are the areas I had of concern for my daughter.  Your list may be longer, different, or shorter.  That's OK.  Just make the list, the doctors will be so impressed....

1.   Physical Issues-
1. Was there anything of note when your child was born?  Did anything go wrong?  Was there something odd that the doctors could not explain?  There was for us.  Sometimes things that seem odd at birth can affect a child later in life.  Sometimes those things do not surface until the child is school age.  Sit in a quiet place, and try to remember.  Maybe I will expand on this down the road...
2. Does your child have any aversion to textures?  Smells?  Clothing?
3. Is there behavior out of the ordinary during daily, 'ordinary' situations?  Is there a pattern?
4. Is your child a rough, physical type of play kid?  Or does your child remove themselves from other children?  Remember, parallel play {where children play independently with the same toys/game side-by-side another child} is developmentally appropriate in young children, but not so much as they get out of pre-school.  Then it can become detrimental to their social development.  If you need to, 'Google' "developmentally appropriate play for my _____year old child".  You will easily find checklists that may guide you in the right direction, or point out red flags.
5. Does your child have a sense of danger that you feel is appropriate?  Are they reckless?  Have they ever had a head injury?  These two areas {appropriate fear and brain injury} can be very closely tied together, and the doctors will want to know this.
2. Auditory Issues
1. Can your child follow a 2-step direction?  More steps?  Less steps?
2. Do they respond to you when you are in crowded spaces where noise is a factor {like if you are in BJ's, or Costco...the acoustics in there are rough}?
3. Does the child complain that they cannot hear the teacher, yet their hearing screenings have come back perfect?
3. Speech and Language Issues
1. Can your child explain what they are trying to say, or do they get frustrated and shut down?
2. Does your child understand that words have specific meanings?  Like when you point to a door, it is always called a "door", not the "window", or the "wall".  Mislabeling things is a speech and language concern.
4. Academic Concerns
1. What are the child's teachers saying?  Where are their areas of concern?  They spend many hours with your child each week~listen to what they observe.
2. Is your child socially aware, or awkward in classroom situations?  You may be surprised how different your child acts in school.  Home is a comfortable place....school can be daunting.  Their behavior can say alot about what is going on with them socially/emotionally within the classroom.
3. Does your child participate willingly in classroom discussions?

I could go on forever, but I hope I am making clear the things I had to consider when helping my daughter.  Like I said, your list may look different than mine, but that's the point.  It's for your child, with different needs.  I just want to help jog your memory.  When you are in the thick of wanting to help your child, you are probably overwhelmed.  This will help make it manageable.  Think small pieces.  You can do a little bit each night.  Ask your wife, husband, partner, relatives...what they notice.  They may see some things you were so "used to" that they didn't stand out. 

Make it something like the above structure.  It will give you talking points, and the doctors a framework to start with.  They are learning about your child, and this information will be invaluable.

Just don't walk in with a rambling manifesto like the unibomber, that would be weird {I have taught you better than that}....you got this! Any questions, ask me.

Have a great day!

{Jenn}

Prepare

In my first week of having this blog...I realize I am being a bit ambitious here...I am going to try to keep up with the thoughts flying through my mind, as I think of what to write next.  And here's hoping I don't run out of something to say that makes sense {be warned...I can talk forever, so if that is any indication, I will never shut up here either}.

This is a follow up to some "meeting preparedness" tips I tell my friends about before they go to their IEP meetings.  This is my experience, anyway...

Whether it's a steering meeting, or your child's IEP {Individualized Education Plan}, you want to be prepared.  As a teacher, I held IEP meetings regularly with families, and thought nothing of it.  It was a typical part of my day.  I assessed the child, prepared goals for the school year, presented to the family in the meeting as thoughtfully as I could, and went on with the everyday task of educating the child. That was it.
Then my daughter qualified for services.  I had been home {I stayed home after having our first daughter} and realized that I would be attending the meeting as a parent...not as the teacher.  It was surprising how that made me feel.  It's different being on the other side of the fence.  I was nervous.  I realized that maybe people may not agree with what I felt was best for my girl, and the emotion of it took me off-guard.  I knew all the members of the IEP team, for goodness sake!  I had worked with all of them, and they are kind, sweet people!  Why was I so 'turned around'?

It's just different when you are the one invited to discuss your child.  

I suddenly realized that every parent who walked into my IEP meetings over the years was probably very nervous, especially since they weren't in the field.  I never really thought about that.  Here I was, a person fresh out of the profession, and I was nervous. I knew the law.  I knew the line by line document very well.  Still, when it's your child, it's different.  Emotions cloud your logical mind.
The meeting went just fine, and they always do.  As long as you go into the meeting knowing you are a participant, not just an observer, you can make your child's IEP a living, breathing document that molds their education, and gives them the accommodations they will need to be successful in the classroom.  But you have to be prepared to give thoughtful, meaningful input into the document, or else you will be an observer.  And if you let everyone else do the work, and you aren't happy with the finished product....well....you can't really complain.  Well, OK, you can complain, but in your heart of hearts you will know that you could've done more to speak up, and thoughtfully voice your opinion.  So save yourself the aggravation  and go into your meeting prepared.
Here is the cheat sheet for when you have to attend an IEP...it's what I always have with me:

1. Have all of your child's current documentation.  If your child has recent evaluations from doctors, have it with you.  I keep a binder of all of my daughters assessments done outside of school, as well as as section of school IEP information.  It travels with me.  Put the documents in page protectors.  If school needs copies of it, they can make them on the spot.
2. The teacher will ask you about strengths and weaknesses of your child.  Think about this.  Don't just say they are a 'happy kid'.  This needs to be meaningful.  Tell them your child excels at artistic tasks, loves to paint, ect..  {To a teacher that tells me instantly that your child is probably a visual learner, and will need visual prompts in the classroom for their success~that is very important}  
3. As far as struggles, really think.  Do they have a hard time listening to you when you ask them to do more than one thing?  That's important to know. {In teacher speak, that will sound like "has difficulty following directions containing more than one step".....the goal might sound like this..." insert name will be able to follow a 3-step direction with minimal (give number) teacher prompts by (end of school year date) at  90% accuracy}....see how your input is molding the goals on the IEP?  If you said, "doesn't listen to me", that does not help write a goal.  
4. As far as educational needs, yes, the teacher will have suggestions for the educational goals, but what areas has your child struggled with in past classroom/Pre-k/daycare environments?  If you have concerns in reading, or decoding and there isn't a goal presented, speak up.  Ask if you can add one.  The teacher knows how to word the goal.  It's OK, you are part of this process, remember?
5. Know the types of classrooms setting your child could be involved with.  Are they currently in a 'typical class'?  Is there an inclusion classroom?  Do you think your child would benefit from a pull-out situation, or a separate classroom setting?  If they are not in an inclusion class, is there a para-educator that can help them?  Remember, focus on your child here.  Don't let any of the stigmas of society hang on you here~this is not about you, put your ego away~it's about helping your child.  Let you child get the help they need and feel successful, when you see them thriving, you get the benefit too.
6. Know whether or not your child will be receiving any special services, like OT {occupational therapy}, PT {physical therapy}, or Speech and Language therapy.  The IEP is the document that houses all of this information.  Make sure it is listed, goals for the services make sense, and the way the therapy will be delivered is noted.  Is it pull-out {in different classroom}, push-in {in the regular classroom setting}, or a combination of those two models?  The frequency of services will also be listed here.  Is is daily?  Three days a week?  Make sure it is accurate.  This is a legal document.

Above all, know that you are a part of the IEP team.  Your input is valuable, as you know your child best.  As someone who has been on the teacher side, I can say that meetings are much more productive when parents come to the meeting with an open mind, and calmly discuss their feelings. Going off on a teacher never really goes over well.  And it's counter-productive to getting an effective plan in place for your child.  I realize that not all situations are like mine.  Our school district is wonderful~I'm lucky, I get that.  But I can tell you that no teacher goes into education for the money, they go into it because they want to help children.  The whole "summer off" deal has melted away for teachers~at best, they get July off, and even then they are cutting out name tags for your kids.  Seriously, they do way more work than people know.  In any other job, if you work overtime, you put in to get paid.  In teaching you do it because you love your students.

I can tell you that from personal experience~when your kids were in my classroom, they were "my kids".  I hope this helped prepare you for that upcoming meeting! Any questions, let me know.

{Obviously this is my perspective, if you'd like to see a more "formal" bit on the IEP process and the law, click here, or just Google your question. God knows I have done that many times....}

Have a great day!

{Jenn}