Kim {part 2}

I need to say thank you for indulging me here.  It's almost 5 am as I sit here and write, I've been up since 2.  I'm not really sleeping much lately, before it was from worry, now it's from grief.  My friend Kim recently passed away from cancer.  She has a family that is grieving, and children who want their mom back. They are why I'm awake.  You didn't have to know my friend for this to be terrifying.  It's all of our worst nightmare, leaving our children too soon.  Kim fought her body in a battle to preserve her life for them.  None of us would endure pain like that for ourselves~but for our children?  Bring on the fire. 

Kim walked through fire for two years.  She knew it was stage 4 when she was diagnosed {started out as melanoma}.  There is no stage 5.  She fought for her children, her husband...and herself.

I had seen Kim when she was at a local hospital, but when she got transferred to the University of Penn, which was farther away, I couldn't get there like I wanted to, and still be back for my kids to get off the bus.  So each morning, since I was up worrying anyway, I spent time sending her distant Reiki {I will link this post up with some info on reiki, and talk about it more in another post, but just go with me for a minute...} hoping that even though I was not physically present, that Kim would feel the energy and love from those sessions, and maybe it would give her comfort on some deep level.  Sending distant Reiki is something like intercessory prayer, where you pray for someone who is not near you, or maybe who you do not know, and you hope that they feel your prayers, and are comforted. 

I finally figured a day when I could get up there, and my husband was working a shift that helped me out w/the kids {that day would be Monday, March 11th}.

Saturday morning, the 9th, I was up early again, and felt upset, moreso than usual.  I felt like I needed to bring out the 'big guns', and took my Nana's rosaries for the distant Reiki session that morning. I only bust those out when I need some extra help.  Saturday just felt like that kind of day. I sat in my Nana's chair and said a decade of the rosary, and began sending Reiki from the 'blue room' in my house, looking out a window towards the sunrise.  But the energy was totally different.  It felt thick, slow, not clear...like pushing your hand through gel.  It made me panic.  As I moved through her energy centers {you envision the person standing or lying in front of you} and got to her root chakra, I felt very little energy at all.  This should be a strong point, it is your life energy.  I felt very little life in her, and I was very overwhelmed with emotion. 

I didn't want to alarm Kim's best friend, but I texted her around 8 am saying I need to talk with you about the Reiki I sent today.....because maybe I was wrong in how I percieved the energy {I had hoped I was wrong}.  I figured I'd explain it to her on the phone later on.  But at 9:30 am I got the call from Kim's husband that she wasn't going to make it through the day.  I needed to come to Penn.  What I felt was real.

Luckily my sister was around to take me to the hospital so I could be with her, and when I got there, Kim's best friend asked if I would do Reiki for her with the family, so I did.  One of Kim's sons was there, so I explained what I was doing as I moved through the session so he would understand.  There was so much love in the room, the energy was palpable and overwhelming.  I could feel the love coming from Kim's heart chakra into the room for her family.  Her physical body was fading at an alarming rate, but her soul was in high gear, and she made it known to me she wasn't really leaving this family.  She would be with them forever. 
I told her that I loved her, stroked her hair, her hand, and told her that it was okay to go.  She had fought hard and long enough. I promised to help look after the kids, the house, whatever she needed.  Many of us would take up for her, so not to worry.  Even in her comprimised state she tried to ask me how I was doing.  I told her she could stop being the perfect hostess...we were there for her now.

Kim passed away at 8pm, surrounded by the love of family and friends.  It's interesting how when someone passes who you love, it takes your breath away too. 

I never got the Monday visit in~Monday never came for her.  I drove home yesterday and realized I should've been driving up to Penn for that visit.  Lost my mind.  But if I truly believe what I say I do, then I didn't have to drive anywhere to see her, she was already with me.  Heaven isn't a far away place, it is right here.  We walk among our loved ones, we just need to learn how to interact with them in new ways.  Energy cannot be destroyed, and one day we will all get to understand what that means. 

Until then, I'll be talking to her like she's in the room, praying for her family's strength, and trying to live up to my promise.  That's all we would want if it were us, right?

Be in the moment today....

{Jenn}

Insight

I'm an "energy" kind of person. 

Like many people, if I walk into a place where people are positive, and have good energy, I feel it.  If I walk into a room with people who have crummy energy, I feel that too, on a physical level.  It's almost like bumping into a bubble that pushes you right back, and keeps you at a distance. 

I've always been this way, and it's probably why I'm not a fan of big crowds.  So many people, so much conflicting energy, and my insides get what feels like tangled-up.  I think I'm just so open to others energy, that in the past, I have allowed it all in.  I'm learning how to keep that from happening so easily through meditation.

But people don't really don't talk about this kind of stuff.  We may know those gut-level feelings, but you rarely hear people talking about "energy", or at least I didn't growing up.  As a right-brained person, who sits mostly in the creative side of my brain, I have enough of a left-brain twitch that makes me want concrete proof for what I have always experienced.  You know, so you don't make yourself an appointment with the doctor for all the "fru-fru" talk.

Thanks to Oprah, I have been introduced to Caroline Myss, Dr.Deepak Chopra, Dr.Wayne Dyer, Dr. Christiane Northrup.....I could go on and on.  All of these people are well respected, and all of them think in a way that I understand.  They all have found a way to match their spirit up with the hard facts that science can offer.  That makes me happy.

The most beautiful book I read {that verifies the whole energy experience for me} after seeing the author interviewed by Oprah, was "My Stroke Of Insight" by Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor.  She is  Harvard-trained neuroanatomist who experienced a stroke, and because of her training and extensive knowledge of the brain, she was extremely aware of the processes she was experiencing during the hemorrhage that took her by surprise.  The beauty of her story is that while she was in a coma-like state in the hospital, where she was unable to verbally communicate, she experienced everything and everyone as energy.  I do not have the book in front of me, but I am recalling the pages where she describes the doctors and nurses who entered the room to care for her.  Because of the area of her stroke, Dr. Taylor no longer had the ability to perceive boundaries, as in where she physically began, and ended.  Her body, and the bodies of those around her no longer were "contained" in physical forms.  She described in detail the amount of her own energy it took to even keep her eyes open.  If the hospital worker came in calmly, in a caring manner, the energy was beautiful, and welcoming.  She wanted to try to follow the persons instructions, and fight her physical body which wanted to remain 'asleep'.  But when a person came into the room who had too much on their mind, was in a bad mood, or was just aggravated in general, she felt that too~and it was uncomfortable, repelled her and made her physically cringe.
Hearing from a neuroanatomist that she perceived those energies so distinctly made me realize that I haven't been completely been nuts all of my life.  When science backs up the fru-fru talk, I listen.

So when my sister Jessica became a nurse {which we were all so proud of her for achieving} recently, I told her about this book, and shared Dr.Taylor's experience with her.  {Let me just say I bow to nurses, because if an injury requires more than a band-aid, I can't handle it}   Many of her patients in the ICU aren't there because they are doing great, and are responding.  I could imagine that most of them are in a state like what Dr.Taylor describes experiencing in her book.  A physical body in a bed, reliant on others and machines for every function.  They are still there.  There is a soul locked in there.  Maybe they are perceiving everything around them, or maybe they are not.  I think this applies to anyone who we think is not able to understand us because they can't communicate.  After reading that book, I have only one suggestion...

Pretend that they are. 

Whether you are a medical professional, or just a regular person in your everyday life, do what Dr.Taylor says, and "be responsible for the energy you bring into a space".  I'm sure if the person in that hospital bed could thank you, they would...

Have a great day!

{Jenn}